


I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here

by A Magiluna Stormwriter (ariestess)



Category: E.R.
Genre: Community: licenseartistic, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-28
Updated: 2006-01-28
Packaged: 2017-11-06 08:31:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/416820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariestess/pseuds/A%20Magiluna%20Stormwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elizabeth's thoughts while waiting for Kerry to come home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here

**Author's Note:**

> Date: 29 January 2006  
> Word Count: 634  
> Prompt: January 2006, Dale Carnegie quote, rebirth  
> Summary: Elizabeth's thoughts while waiting for Kerry to come home.  
> Website: http://www.shatterstorm.net/   
> Archive: ShatterStorm Productions…anyone else must ask first…Archive: ShatterStorm Productions only…all others ask for permission & we’ll see…
> 
> Disclaimer: “ER”, the characters and situations depicted are the property of Warner Bros. Television, Amblin Entertainment, Constant C Productions, NBC, etc. They are borrowed without permission, but without the intent of infringement. This site is in no way affiliated with "ER", NBC, or any representatives of Alex Kingston or Laura Innes. This site contains stories between two mature, consenting adult females.

> _"It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about." - Dale Carnegie._

 

As I lay here in bed, waiting for Kerry to come home, I can't help but marvel at the turn of events that brought me to this point. A few years ago, if someone had told me I'd be sleeping with Kerry Weaver, co-raising two small children with her, I'd have told them where they could shove themselves and given them directions.

And yet, here I am.

Strange, isn't it? I was always such a wild child growing up. I did anything I could to rebel against the strict English upbringing my parents wanted for me. But I went into medicine like a proper daughter should. I certainly didn't want to follow in my mother's footsteps.

And then, when I came to America, it seemed I only made things worse in my mother's eyes. It didn't matter that I was doing well as a surgeon in a rather busy hospital. All that mattered was that I wasn't settled down like a proper woman. I kept having affairs with the wrong people. Flirting with Doug Ross and offering to let Carole Hathaway join us. My affair with Peter. My odd flirtations with Robert, whatever that was. My mother was only happy when I married Mark and had Ella.

Other than Ella, I think marry Mark was probably the worst decision I've ever made. I completely changed who I was, what I was, what I thought I was. I did it to please everyone else. My mother was happy. Mark was ecstatic. I was miserable on the other hand.

When he died, I was lost. I had no idea what I was going to do, what I should be. I returned to England, thought that would help clear my head. But working in a hospital in England just wasn’t the same. America's become my home, despite everything.

I admit when I came back to Chicago, I began dating indiscriminately. I tried to find myself through external means. I didn't want to deal with the fact that I was a widow who'd had feelings for her husband, even if they weren't the right ones. I didn't want to deal with the fact that I was a single mother.

And I didn't want to deal with the fact that Kerry Weaver had been correct about Mark and his tumor. Or about saving Ella's life, how I shouldn't have been there, or that Ella would have been intubated far sooner if she hadn't been my child.

And when she lost Sandy? After they'd had their son? She was bereft…and I knew how that felt.

It was our mutual grief that brought us together, I think. She made me realize that we had more in common than I'd ever thought. Far more than just bickering over Mark's tumor…or anything else. Far more than medicine. Or motherhood.

We were both caught up in seeing ourselves, validating ourselves, through other people's opinions. People thought she was a hard-assed, frigid bitch who brooked no dissent. And for a time, people thought I was a sex-starved nymphomaniac. Granted, there were those who thought I was just as much of a hard-assed bitch.

It took time for us to look past those external perceptions and create new internal perceptions. Yes, she's still a taskmaster, but she's tempered that with a sort of maternal tolerance that she never used to exude. And I've settled myself down as well. It doesn't matter what my mother feels I should be. It matters what I feel I should be. And what Kerry feels she should be. And what we feel we should be together.

It's certainly been an interesting journey to this new life we're living together. Like we've become new people, of a sort.

In the words of Little Orphan Annie, I think I'm gonna like it here…


End file.
